So, it's that time of the year again. My friends have been suffering from allergies for weeks, but today it was finally time for them to prey on me.

But you know, those kinds of allergies aren't really that important.

With everything that's happened today and this past week, it's more clear than ever to me the dangers of mental allergies. The allergies of stupidity and ignorance. The allergies of intolerance and hatred. The allergies of arrogance and excessive pride. The allergy that causes an acute lack of understanding and loving other people.

Perhaps more important, however, is being allergic to yourself. The act of self hatred, the act of mental punishment, the act of not trusting oneself, the act of being a recluse, the act of growing ugly inside, and the act of giving up. The cycles of human growth and development, cycles that are both natural and unnatural. Life, growth, prosperity, and most importantly, true happiness are essential to living. Good people, good friends, and good times are ways to cope with being allergic to oneself; that is, if you're not so sick that you can't or won't take advantage of them.

Being allergic to oneself certainly isn't desirable, but it is something that is very much a reality for many people. And it hurts. The lack of personal acceptance coupled with the lack of acceptance from peers hurts. And like an allergy, being in the dumps in that kind of a way is difficult to get out of. It requires a reworking of the mind and soul of both you and the people in your life who matter to you.

Mostly, though, it requires a new relationship that is positive and new. A relationship built in the image of happiness, passion, wonder, amazement, and understanding. And it requires the courage to start such a relationship and see it through.

Perhaps, then, with some understanding, some courage, and a whole lot of luck, it may be possible to beat being allergic to oneself. But there are some people whom this will not affect, because they are so immensely bogged down.

To them, I apologize. If any of you are reading, perhaps it is aggravating that you're reading the same things you've heard people tell you for years. I wish I could say something, but I don't think I can, because I'm in your boat, too.

Until next time, I try to remain hopeful that we'll find a solution to this problematic allergy. Until that day, hopefully we can stick together. Hopefully, strength can be grown by numbers. Hopefully, our love and passion can bring us forward. Hopefully, we'll be better people when this is all over.

It's 11:20 PM, and it is time for bed. I hope to wake up tomorrow with a sense of vitality and motivation so that I may hunt for an answer. Please join me.


Anonymous said...

I know how you feel. Sometimes I can truly hate who I am and who I've become. I find relief in the fact that my friends and people who truly care about me love me for who I am. I feel that lingering on what I don't want to be hasn't helped me move forward. I think accepting who you are and setting goals for what you want to be helps you move on with your life. I really hope everything goes well for you Mr. Green

ModestMr.Green said...

Thanks for the advice...it's very much appreciated. I've been trying to set goals for myself recently, and I think I starting to take little steps forward.

I hope things go excellently for you, too. =)

Lissa said...

i really know what you mean (of course you write it a heck of a lot better then i could ever express it) I've spent most of my life hating myself and i try to stop but it's just not that easy. my weight watchers leader always says to think about the horrible stuff we say to ourselves..we would never say that kind of hateful mean stuff to another person so why do we do it to ourselves? we truely are our own worst enemies sometimes.